Yesterday was  a whirlwind and it seems like a dream - unfortunately it wasn't.  The events of yesterday have been swirling around in my head all night, making any sort of peaceful sleep impossible.  So here I sit wanting to spill it all on paper.  Write it down to make sure its real and true.  I know it is - I was there when the doctor said those words - " It is Cancer".

I was the designated "make sure you get all the information written down" person.  So there I sat, feverishly trying to write down what the doctor was saying and at the same time trying to process it. The type of Cancer - Primary Peritoneal Cancer - Stage 3C.   The different treatment options, how long each would take, what will she feel, how will she react?  In between listening and writing, I'm looking at my sister.  You would think the look on her face would be that of disbelief.  A look of "I can't believe this is happening to me" - but it wasn't.  I think she knew it wasn't going to be good news even before the doctor said anything - because if I'm being honest, I felt the same way.  I tend to do that - go in thinking the absolute worst, so that it can't be half as bad as expected.  That didn't work for me yesterday.  It was more than half as bad, it was the worst - the worst day I can remember in a very long time.  My sister, my best friend, has Cancer.

I had decided before I went in there that I WAS NOT going to cry.  In the room with us were my sisters daughter, son and partner.  All getting the news at the same time.  I pretty much knew what the reaction would be of the people in the room and I knew that I needed to be as calm as possible.  I needed to be able to hear the information, process it and pass it on.  But in between taking it all in, jotting everything down, I would look at my sister - the tears started to stream and it was beyond heartbreaking.

After the doctor gave us the diagnosis, he asked if we had any questions.  I had 2 very specific and decided to ask the easiest first.  (1) Where, exactly, did the Cancer start? Good news there - It started in the peritonial and it isn't expected to have started anywhere else. (2) What is the prognosis?  Isn't this the question everyone wants to know the most?  What are the chances of survival?   Do I have to worry about NOT having my precious sister here with me?  I guess if you are going to have Cancer, the prognosis is as good as to be expected. Remission rate - 50-75%, Cure rate - Very Low - 10%.  Personally, I'm going with the remission rate since I like those odds!

The next hour was filled with calling loved ones to let them know what was going on. I had to call my parents and siblings.  Not exactly what I wanted to do, but I knew I was the best one to do it, so I did.  Calling your parents to tell them that one of their daughters has Cancer - well lets just say it is not a good experience.  My mother couldn't form an actual sentence to ask questions - God, I can't imagine what she must have been thinking and feeling. Parents are supposed to die before children - my mom has said that a million times, but I can imagine this exact phrase is running through her mind right now. I felt the tears about to start, but choked them back and moved on to my next call.

My oldest sister.  The rock, the constant, the one that can deal with anything.  Isn't it funny how people are labeled?  We even label our own siblings!  But in this case, it is true.  I imagine that my oldest sister could handle just about anything.  We are very much alike - hard on the outside, mushy on the inside.  I think we could both deal with just about anything - but this, well, this won't be as easy. She asked questions, she is thinking positive and that is that! Exactly how I am dealing  with it.  Give me the facts Jack!

The next few hours were filled with phone calls, visits, tears, and lots of laughs.  Talk of shaving heads, wig and hat parties and tattoos.  After everyone left, I kissed my sister goodnight and went to lay down.  All of the events of the day came out in a flood of tears.  Tears that I thought would never stop.  It can't possibly be that my sister, my best friend, my FOREVER friend has Cancer! But the tears did stop and they will stay that way.  No more crying - I'm done now.  Now is the time to pull myself up by the bootstraps and figure out how I'm going to help my sister through this and get her healthy again!

My sister mentioned that she would like to color some easter eggs.  So shortly I'm out the door to find the girliest pink easter basket, egg dye and all the trimmings for an old time easter basket.  We will do some kid stuff this afternoon.  And laugh.  And act stupid I'm sure.  But that is what she needs right now.  That is what I need right now.  We will turn our thoughts to simple things for a few precious hours and not think about what is ahead.  There is time tomorrow for that.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and I ask that you continue to pray for her health to return.  It means more than you could know.

Make sure today, that you give a big kiss and hug to those that mean the most.  They need it - you need it.  And make sure you do it every day you can.

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