A short post today, meant for one specific person - or should I say, one specific friend.....But a lesson a for everyone

Words are powerful.................

I recently hurt someones feelings, when I didn't know I had.  I brought up something that to me, is long, long in the past.  As far as I'm concerned, it was also forgiven a very long time ago.  I brought it up during a very casual conversation and was using the event more as a point of reference of the time and place that something else had happened.  It was a very flip comment, it just came out, and I didn't think another thing of it.  Until the next day.

The friend I said this to called to talk about it - to more or less ask if it was something that WASN'T forgiven. It was very big of them to call, because when this event happened long ago, it was a very sore subject and took a long time to forgive.  We had a conversation about it and I tried my best to assure them that it was, indeed, forgiven.  I came away from the conversation feeling good that they let me know it hurt them.  I guess this is what happens when you get older and you cherish friends more than you did way back when.  But, I'm not sure they really believe me.

This got me to thinking - Did I mean to say it?  Or was it something subconscious that just popped out?  I mentioned in an earlier post that I've changed quite a bit since those days.  I try to think about what I say BEFORE I say it - instead of just blurting out whatever comes to mind!  I'm surprised at myself.  I shouldn't have said it.  I should have thought about it before it came out.  For the last few days I've stewed about it. I've tried to search within myself - did I mean anything by it?  Was it a jab?  God I hope not, because that isn't the person I am anymore.

The more I thought about it (and analyzed it!), I came to the conclusion that NO, I did not mean it.  It was something that just popped out.  Before I knew it, I had hurt their feelings. I could smack myself.  What was I thinking?  I guess I wasn't thinking - but I will from now on.

This person knows who they are and I'm hoping that they read this.  I want you know that it is in the past, it was forgiven long ago, and I'm so sorry that I didn't think about what I said before it came out.  You don't have to apologize anymore because there is nothing to apologize for.  If anything, you saved me from a lifetime of extreme unhappiness.  So, lets both  forget the past, move on to the future. We are both healthy and happy with full lives.  We are at a place that all that stupid stuff should not mean anything - and you will never hear me utter another word about it!

So, to all of you out there that have hurt or been hurt in the past - its time to move forward.   If you haven't apologized to that person, apologize.  If you haven't forgiven, forgive.  Choose your words wisely, because those words could be a dagger to someone else.

With that, here is your quote for today.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Happy Tuesday!

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Have you ever noticed that when you meet up with old friends that there are things they remember that you don't, and vice versa? I'm amazed sometimes at the things I DO remember, especially when I sometimes can't remember what happened yesterday! As you talk about old times, the visions of very specific things come back to you - like flash backs. You start to remember the exact time a picture was taken and where - simply by the couch or the drapes in the kitchen. Who's house, what room and how old you were, even without looking at notes on the back of the picture. I started thinking about the memories that lay in them and how, whether its an actual picture or a picture in your head, they are memories all the same.

When I was a kid, I remember looking through old pictures that my parents had. My mother would say things like, "That was in our neighbors driveway when I was 13", or "That was the year they had the first Ferris wheel at the state fair". I used to think to myself, how does she remember that, and really, why would she want to?? I was probably 12-13 years old and thought, wow, what a boring life they had. They didn't do anything fun if she can remember her neighbors driveway!

But then, you grow up. Those memories of riding down the neighbors driveway - the one with the BIG hill - on a Big Wheel with the seat pulled out. Or roller skating down a very specific sidewalk onto a driveway that NEVER had cars in it. This was usually the driveway that also had a basketball goal at the end of it. Always empty so we could play or skate or whatever! Or how about just playing in the woods and exploring for hours on end OR playing jump the creek with 2 sticks you found in the yard. All we needed were skates, a ball, a big wheel and some sticks to be happy!

I recently re-lived some of those childhood memories with an old neighbor - memories from when I was 3 or 4 years old til maybe 11 years old. I couldn't believe the details of what I remembered and vice versa. The specifics of what happened to who, who fell out of a tree and broke an arm, where we were when it happened. All those little things that I wish I had pictures of. But, do I really need the actual picture? The picture in my mind is as clear today as it was then.

Last night, the same thing happened. I re-lived memories from my teenage and early adult years. Those years from about 12-21 years old. Times when we spent time at the beach, dragged boys in the girls bathroom and terrorized them for messing with us, and playing quarters and dancing at a club! Sitting at the table with me were people that I have memories with throughout that time frame. Different times, different places, different attitudes. When I left, I reflected on all the different things we talked about (and laughed about). Its funny how people perceive you during different times in your life. Sometimes I forget that I really could be a B$tch sometimes! But with some of those stories I remembered that I was and I'm thankful that I'm not anymore! I've changed so much since then. I'm still the same Kim underneath, but I'm not nearly as volatile as I used to be!! I left wishing I had more pictures of the times we spent together long ago. But again, do I really need the picture? Because believe me, the picture in my mind is very clear!

So, why was I bugging one of my friends from last night to post the pictures we took? I don't know. I remember last night just like it was, well, last night! But how much of it will I remember in the coming years? When will I no longer remember riding a big wheel down the big hill, or dancing the night away at a club? How long will those memories hang on? Who knows. What I do know is that one day I'm sure I'll look back on all the pictures just so I CAN relive them - simply because I can't remember anything anymore. At that point, I'll be glad we relived our memories together, and captured it in a picture. My old friends, my buddies, my hopefully life long friends.

So here is a quote to my friends - the old, the new and the in-between!

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." ~Flavia Weedn

Happy Saturday!

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